Growing up - checking in

Well hello there fine friends and family.  Sorry to keep you hanging for so many months.  Yes, we have been busy growing kids and working our careers.  In another week Hazel will be 7 months old and is a VERY busy baby.  She's mastered sitting, reaching, the all-four rocking, the left-to-right and right-to-left roll, eating solids, and is on the verge of crawling.  I keep reminding the little Hazel that she is just a baby and there is no need to rush these developmental milestones, she'll be walking for the rest of her life, she doesn't need to start now.  Last week I went in to the bedroom to check on her crying in bed; I found her grasping the crib rail for dear life and standing.  Oh no!  So out went Hazel into Andrew's arms and down went the crib mattress by a notch.  Oh my goodness. 

Hazel Rae eating peas

Meanwhile, Tatum is sometimes obsessed with getting big.  Perhaps this is because she is now permanently cast into the "Big" sister role, but man, she doesn't need to rush.  Two funny stories on this: 1) every week we attend the South Pasadena farmer's market with Molly, Jack and Sadie; and every week we get papusas and lemonade.  Near the papusa stand is a candy stand that sells cotton candy and snow cones.  One week Tatum spotted the blue and pink sugar balloons and requested that she have one.  I explained frankly "Oh, you have to be five to have that.  You are not five.  You are three"  (side note, I patted myself on the back for this rationale because she bought it without question). Now she longingly looks at the stand and states, "When I am five, I can have one of those."  This week she said, "Why do you have to be five to have that?"  She's getting smart.  I replied, "Oh that is the age limit.  There are age limits on lots of things in life."  Questioning my response she concluded "I don't like age limits. But when I am five I will like age limits."  HA!  2) The other night we were taking a shower together before bed.  Tatum looked at me naked, then checked herself out.  "Mommy, look, I am getting boobies.  When I get big I will have big boobies!"  Oh goodness, girl!

And Tatum Bell does what she pleases

It's Panties Time!

YAHOO!  FINALLY!  Tatum has made the toddler leap from diapers to panties!  Round of applause, please.   Yep, we are two proud parents to one proud pantie-wearing princess!
Tatum had been wearing pull-ups for about six months now, but not as they were designed.  Her use was more for a designer diaper.  Oh well.  As you may or may not remember, we bought Tatum a potty for her Christmas gift in 2009 when she was about 18 months old.  Since that time sitting on the potty was more of a fun past-time than a practical endeavor. When I first went on maternity leave at the end of December I kept Tatum out of preschool for a week with the hope of potty training her.  We went to Target where she picked out two packs of panties - one Dora, one princesses.  The next day we dressed her in a pair of Cinderella panties and let the pea fall where it may.  That morning we decided to make cookies.  While stirring together the flour Tatum peed all over herself and the chair she was standing on.  Her reaction "oh, I went pee-pee."  It was an after-the-fact observation, and we knew then that Tatum lacked the mind-body connection to know when she had to pee or poop.  We stuck to the training and cleaned her up and put on another set of panties.  An hour or so later she pooped in them.  Yep, it was clear, she wasn't ready to make the leap.  She was crying and frustrated, and so were we.  So, just four hours into our first day of training we resolved that Tatum wasn't ready for panties and we put on a pull-up.  All parties were happy. 
During the past few week of preschool, her teachers informed us that Tatum was showing interest in the potty.  Since her best friends were all on the pantie-potty train, Tatum was succumbing to the benefits of peer pressure and she too wanted to wear panties like her friends.  But wearing panties means you have to go pee-pee and poo-poo in the potty.  

One morning I got a text from Andrew that Tatum went pee-pee in the potty and he was sending her to school in panties.  AWESOME!  But wait, did he remember to pack back-up panties and clothes and shoes and socks? Nope.  Oh well.  When I picked her up she was in a pull-up.  We weren't pushing it at all, so any achievements were rewarded and there was no frustration towards her accidents.  So we were back in pull-ups for another week with no expectations, but yet hopeful. 

We created a reward system: one jelly bean for a pee-pee, two for a poopy, and a sticker for trying.  

So, last Sunday we decided along with Tatum that she was ready to put on panties full time (minus sleep times).  We put on a pair of princess panties and turned on her weekend morning DVDs.  After two hours Tatum still had not gone to the potty.  So we stuck in on the potty in the bathroom with the condition that she had to go before we went to the Sunday market.  Forty-five minutes later there was pee-pee in the toilet and a smile plastered across Tatum's face.  YES!  Since that moment we haven't turned back. Tatum has had one accident and the days keep passing by with jelly bean rewards.

"I don't want to go pee-pee on Belle!"  "No, no pee-pee on Belle, that's right Tatum."  "And I don't want to go poo-poo on Belle either!"  "Absolutely not."

We are absolutely pleased.  We'd much rather spend our hard earned money on a case of beer than diapers!

Side story - the other day I was on the potty going pee-pee.  Tatum walks in and exclaims, "Momma, are you going pee-pee in the potty?"  I nodded and smiled yes.  Tatum cheered and clapped "Yeah Mommy, you're going pee-pee in the toilet!  I am so proud of you!  Do you want a jelly bean?"

Back Rubs

Ah, yes, back rubs.  Most of us can remember the days when our moms rubbed our backs.  And if you are lucky, you still have a mom that does!  Andrew and I both remember the nights of our adolescence when our days ended with the gentle caress of our mother's hand on our backs lulling us to sleep.  As we got older, back rubs seemed to disappear somewhere in the puberty years when our bodies were transforming and we no longer longed for our mother's caress quite like that.  But today I would love nothing more than my mom to come and rub my back at night.  Instead I settle with my current dutiful role as a mother to a daughter who recently discovered the love (and need!) of back rubs. 

Recently Tatum started asking for back rubs at night: "Rub my back momma," she spoke gently to me one night.  I smiled and started to rub her back.  "No, not like that.  Like this," she said as she pulled up her night dress and corrected my hand placement from over the top of her nightie to underneath.  I agreed, yes, skin to skin is much better.  And in that moment a new habit was formed.  Now it has become routine each night for her to ask for her back to be rubbed.  Sometimes she requests her hair to be rubbed and in return she rubs mine at the same time.  Her nurturing side is strong, and I adore the moments she chooses to nurture me.  Last night as I tucked her to bed she grabbed my face with both hands and stroked the sides of my face, from my forehead to my chin, over and over.  She said to me, "Momma, your face is SO beautiful."  Oh sweet pea, thank you.  Then a moment later, "I love you so much mommy."  And I love you.  "Momma, your forehead is so beautiful."  Thanks Tatum...now it's time to sleep. Ah!

Pickle People :)

 

Portrait of her preschool teacher Ms. Angela by Tatum Bell

In William Crain's book Reclaiming Childhood he states that art is one of four areas of importance in helping children be, well, children.  I read his book when I was pregnant with Tatum and consumed with the idea of being a "good parent" and the important role of childhood experiences in nature,  Nature is one of the other four areas of focus.  As for the other two areas, you'll have to read the book to figure those out!  Nevertheless, Crain writes at length about the development of artwork in a child .  One recognizable stage of development is when they start drawing what I refer he refers to as pea people - a circle with eyes, a mouth, and four lines that come out for arms and legs. I was excited as a parent to see Tatum develop this artistic ability herself, although her version is more of a cucumber person than pea person.   Artistic development is refined over time and eventually kids become "standardized" as they grow older drawing people that look like people.   But right now, in the Shearer house, cucumber people rule.

Just because she's cute...

TATUM turns THREE

That’s right – Tatum is THREE!  We celebrated the day by letting Tatum dress in her Tinker Bell dress and wear a birthday crown.   (No, the photo above is not the Tinker Bell dress, sorry.)  We took a morning walk to the bakery where Tatum was given a special cookie by the baker for her birthday.   Tatum was also given a second cookie by a customer who thought she was adorable and wanted to give her a birthday surprise!  I love stranger kindness!

We then went to Tatum’s preschool where we gave a book to her class in honor of her birthday.  This is a great cake alternative for parents who want to have a classroom celebration but do not want to load fifteen  two to three year-olds up on sugar.  So, we walked in a 10:30am, which is circle time, and I read the book to the class and then gave it to the teachers as a present.  Tatum then put a homemade yellow chocolate dinosaur sucker in each friend’s cubbie for their present.  Yes, I was one proud momma.  Homemade chocolate suckers are super easy once you get the molds and sucker sticks.   If you are local, then Jane’s Cakes and Chocolates here in Montrose can hook you up with everything you need. 

On the way home I got the idea to stop and have Tatum’s nails painted.  Just two weeks ago we went out to dinner and Tatum took her markers and colored in her nails instead of drawing on the paper.  So I realized that she is now 3 and a magical world of “+3” opens up and this includes nail polish.   The first place we tried could not take her – heartbreaking!  But fortunately there was another salon three doors down that was more than happy to paint a three-year-old Tinker Bell’s fingers blue in honor of her birthday.  So happy in fact that the woman would accept payment since the experience became her gift to Tatum.  She too had a daughter who’s birthday was that day and she was so delighted to have had Tatum come in for her nails to be done.  Again, loving the stranger kindness.

We happily went home with blue nails for our afternoon nap.  When Tatum woke we heading out to Josalito’s for our favorite Mexican and then to Paradis for our favorite icecream.  All of this within walking distance from our home!  We still feel like we fell into a pot of gold with this house. 

Nicki with the girls

My dear friend from graduate school came into town on Friday night to help prepare for Saturday’s party.  And thank Buddha she did because there is no way I would have been able to do it without Veronique’s help.  We were up until 11pm drinking wine and making purple frosted cupcakes. In the morning Veronique started the task of squeezing lemons to make homemade lemonade for the party.  We threw together a ton of pasta salad and organized the outside for a fun noontime party with friends, flowers, slides, sippy cups, and pizza.  We ordered from the local pizza joint that has the largest pizza – 36”! – seeing is believing, so here it is.

The party was awesome.  Best of all, Tatum was able to share the day with her friends in her house, the clubhouse that is: 

Tatum was showered with love and gifts.  Our friends and family are so generous, and we are so thankful.  Tatum now has everything a princess could possibly want… THANK YOU!

Moving through May

Wow - May!  The month of our marriage and the birth of our first daughter.  It's also the month of Saga Dawa, the holiest of Buddhist holidays.  At home, our veggie garden is growing, the roses are in bloom, and the girls are getting big.   This month has been squeezed full of exciting moments - Hazel's giggles and smiles, Tatum drawing "Ts for Tatum" and learning just yesterday "H" for Hazel,  Hazel's ability to now reach and grasp, the birth of two new friends (my friend Sara had her twins born May 15th - Tess and Miles!), Tatum's potty adventures, and soon to be our nine year wedding anniversary where we plan on hiring a real babysitter!
 
Life is guaranteed to move, and baby does it move fast.  Now that I am back to work it seems that the experience from Monday morning to Thursday night is one big hustle and to do list.  I've kept my schedule of Monday through Thursday in the office and part days from home on Fridays.  There's just no way I could bring myself to work in an office on Fridays anymore.  And fortunately, my work isn't fighting me on this one.  Seems like they really need me and enjoy having me back in the main tree seat.  At a recent meeting with the other forestry nonprofits and city agencies I received a round of applause for being back to work.  That experience was very validating; and as a working mother in my thirties, I'll take validation where ever I can get it, including on the freeway.   Last weekend a man tried picking me up from his stakeside truck by honking and asking me for my number as I cruised the 2 freeway home from work.  Seriously!  I guess a carseat is not a turn-off.  Yes, crazy, but in a very real way this random man totally validated me, and I am thankful.

At the beginning of this month I was given the opportunity to lead the Mom's Salon - this is a group of mothers meeting every second Tuesday of the month at the community acupuncture clinic in eagle rock at 8pm (yes, if you are local and want to come, you should!).  My friend started this group out of the need to create a protected space to share experiences of mothering.  Sorry dads, moms only.  So my topic was on teaching mindfulness to children.  But in preparing for the topic, I realized that you can't teach a child mindfulness unless you as the teacher have an experience of it yourself.  So I took the Tuesday evening as an opportunity to share a lesson in basic sitting meditation with a focus on the breath as a tool to develop mindfulness (basic Buddhist stuff).  But it was AMAZING for me to share this with other mothers and talk about how mindfulness can help your experience of parenting.  As anyone who knows me knows I would love nothing more than teach mindfulness to children while exploring the local environment, but the opportunity for this "dream job" has yet to present itself.  Yet that particular Tuesday night at the Mom's Salon was a precious reminder of what it is that I really want to do and it felt really good to be reminded.  So, in the meantime, I practice mindful parenting as best as I can with my two princesses Tatum and Hazel. 



The other exciting news is that the clubhouse is now painted.  Honoring my English ancestry (my father and his line are British if you didn't know) we selected the Queen's Lace (yellow) and the Queen's Jubilee (purple) for Tatum's house.  It is now officially "3520 1/2".  Come over and play!