The Firsts Fights and Bites

Hazel will be four weeks old tomorrow.  I know, where are my posts!  My recovery from the cesarean has been smooth and I am fortunate now to feel at about 95% of my pre-pregnancy self.  That does not mean I am 95% on my way to my pre-pregnancy weight, but that I feel great and the birth zipper has healed nicely. 

Since my mother left one week after Hazel's birth and Andrew's full return to work at two weeks post Hazel's birth, I have been back to full-time momma duties with both kids.  For Tatum this means helping her get out of the door in the morning and picking her up from preschool in the afternoons.  It is a LIFESAVER to have Tatum continue enrolled full time in her preschool.  The day time allows me to focus on the needs of Hazel (feeding, burping, sleeping, repeat) and get to know my new precious daughter.  However, come 4pm I am out the door with babe in tow to pick up the big sister.

The first day I picked Tatum up from preschool and drove home with both girls was a definite learning experience.  It started with us installing Hazel's car seat in the rear left passenger seat next to Tatum.  Tatum's car seat has always been in the middle, and being super sensitive to not wanting to displace Tatum too much in this transition from "only child star of the show" to "big sister give me a minute before I tend to your needs" I wanted to keep as many things the same pre-Hazel as post-Hazel. 

Okay, back to preschool - so I got Hazel out and went in to get Tatum.  Upon arriving on the play yard, Tatum spotted me and then ran away stating she did not want me and that she did not want Hazel and that she did not want to go home.  Yes, this broke my heart a little, but was to be expected.  Fortunately her teachers are AMAZING and worked with Tatum to get her to come around and go home with me in an agreeable manner.

Now, we’re in the car, girls are buckled in, Tatum has her snack bag, Hazel is sleeping, and we’re heading home.  Then, looking in my rear-view mirror I see Tatum with a devilish grin on her face and her hands in Hazel’s car seat.  Next thing I hear are terrifying screams from Hazel.  I immediately am flushed with anger and I scream “Tatum, what did you do?” 

Tatum is silent, but grinning.  She seems to be soaking up Hazel’s suffering and experiencing it as bliss.  It freaks me out.  Tatum continues to snack on her goldfish.  “Tatum, did you feed Hazel a goldfish?”

“Yes” she replies.  I know that “yes” is Tatum’s default answer to all things she doesn’t know the answer to.  I also know that Hazel was screaming for her life and therefore none of her airways were blocked by an alleged goldfish that may or may not have been fed to her.  I also know that young babes do this reflex with their tongues that allow them to nurse, but also would push solid food out of their mouths.  Nevertheless, I am still freaking out as I continue to drive and look for a safe place to pull over.

I finally pull into a parking lot, jump out, and console Hazel by taking her from her car seat and holding her.  There are no signs of goldfish, no signs of anything but one red-faced and upset babe.  I calm her down, return her to her car seat and I return to my seat in tears.  I begin to lecture Tatum on how she CANNOT touch her sister in the car and that she CANNOT feed anything to Hazel.

The car is silent as we continue our approach home.  I am frantic thinking about the million and one ways that Tatum could have and can kill the new babe. Oh goodness!  We finally get home, and when I go to get Hazel I see that she has claw marks all over her face.  Turns out Tatum was scratching her face with her longer than usual nails. 

Parenting Two Lesson #1: Don’t put the car seats within touching distance of one another. 

The next day I rearranged the seats to that they are on either side of the back seat.  Tatum didn’t even notice her new spot.  There have been no back seat cat fights as of yet again.

Now, if you can bear it, I have one more story…

The other night as we tucked Tatum in she asked to say good night to Hazel as usual.  That night she asked to kiss her head.  I agreed asking her to keep to her forehead.  So Tatum kissed Hazel and kissed her, and kissed her until Hazel began to scream.  I urged Tatum to stop kissing Hazel and was successful by tickling her until she stopped.  I then checked out the kissing spot and there were bite marks.   BITE MARKS!  I was again flooded with anger and left the room immediately.  I set Hazel down and returned to talk it out with Tatum. 

Parenting Two Lesson #2: Big sisters can only touch the feet of their little sisters until the jealously subsides and death and injury are no longer a valid threat.