If you know Tatum, she is full on princess, and if you know me, I'm not. I wear jewelery, but I by no means accessorize; something Tatum is already in love with doing. I've long had an aversion to the fancy and the fanciful. Beautiful material things just aren't my thing. But they sure are Tatum's, and she's my girl, so I'm learning to value what she finds important and support her in her pursuit of happiness.
In the days before I had two girls and knew nothing of mothering other than my judgement of other moms. I was certain that my child would not be a princess child. And if she were, then by no means would I indulge her tiara and tutu obsessions. But as any mother knows, motherhood can be defined by a series of days turned into years of eating your own words.
So here I am today with a 3.5 year old whose name begins with "T-A-T-U-M" (Ask her what her name starts with, and this is her response) and each and every day the girl demands to wear a dress. And no, not just any dress, a dress that spins. "How about this dress Tatum?" She cries "NO! That dress doesn't spin. I need a dress that spins!" And you have no idea how hard it is to find a dress that spins, but LaLa and Mimi sure do :) Fortunately Tatum is reasonable (for a three-year-old) and adheres to limits and rules (most of the time) and she understands that spinning princess dresses can only be worn on the weekend, not on preschool days. Why? Well, then she would wear the same three dresses day in and day out. Plus, this rule makes the weekends special because she can put on her Rapunzel (spinning purple dress), Aurora (pink spinning), Snow White (navy spinning with a big white color) or Tinkerbell (actually a full-on Tinkerbell costume).
In the theme of Princess, Tatum loves everything girl: nail polish, purses, shoes, dresses, jewelry. Once, stopped at a red light in our neighborhood while driving, Tatum complemented on the woman who was crossing the street, "Oh momma, look at her. She is so beautiful. I love her dress, and her shoes, and her purse. I want to buy that." Not sure where Tatum got this line "I want to buy that" but it is standard phrase of hers used daily when she encounters something she likes or wants - cars, dogs, dresses, houses, pretty much anything.
When she has her nails painted, you know. She'll stop you on the street to admire you, be it your earrings (oh, I like your earrings, my momma doesn't have earrings, but I like your earrings), your dress, your nail polish; and then she'll hold out her hand and take off her shoes to show you her nail polish. This is full-on Tatum and has nothing to do with me or Andrew.
But I must admit, I can be a bit self-conscious of the whole thing as a mother. However, it totally helped me when my feminist-environmentalist-androgynous-anarchist friend came over a few months back and helped put Tatum to bed before we had dinner. For the first time I felt embarrassed of how much princess stuff we do have as Tatum went to bed in her princess nightie and princess pull-ups after playing around with her princess suitcase. There is no denying it, I've welcomed Disney princesses into our lives. She smiled at Tatum and related to her that when she was little she loved to dress up as a princess and go to Disneyland. Whew! Well, here's the proof, right here in my daughter's bedroom, a princess at five can still be a feminist at forty. And this somehow made me feel better about the embracing of it all.
So, my advice to a mother recently regarding the princess phenomenon in our daughters is to embrace it, embrace that our children want to be beautiful and delight in their delights. The road ahead in the parent-child relationship is sure to be filled with battles, but princesses should not one of them. Our girls are special and deserve to live a life of happily ever after, but right here and now. So put on the tutu and the tiara and let's have tea!
fantastic post, meg!
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